Snoring Partners Make Us Stabby: From The Confessional


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Okay, real talk. Why isn’t there a snoring clause in our marital vows? Like “In sickness and in health unless you snore like a fucking semi and keep me up all night…?” Because TBH, sleeping next to a snoring partner for decades on end is really a relationship killer. Especially when they don’t believe they snore or won’t take the necessary steps to fix it.

So if you’re shooting dagger eyes at your partner who saws wood all night, or if you’ve permanently moved into another bed in your house, we feel you. Your situation is actually pretty common, which is why there are machines and medicines and doctors who dedicate their careers to helping snorers … well, stop snoring. So get on that, partners. Your marriage might depend on it.

Confessional #25826570

“DH does not believe he snores. Says sonce he doesn’t wake himself up, I must be dreaming. Moving into the guest room. Forever.”

Confessional #25855261

“I don’t sleep well. My H sleeps very well. I complain that I don’t sleep and he basically tells me I’m lying. How the hell would he know?! He snores all damn night.”

Confessional #25826445

“H was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea after a sleep test. He refuses to use the cpap and denies he has a problem, doesn’t believe he snores either. Why did he get the cpap machine if he won’t use it? $$ could have gone elsewhere ass”

Confessional #25772681

“My kids are blowing up the air mattress in the living room and I can still hear H snoring above the sound of the blow up mattress…and he swears he doesn’t snore…”

When you sleep next to a snoring person and they refuse to believe how fucking loud they are, the frustration is real. Maybe record them tonight and then you can be like, SEE, CARL?! I TOLD YOU.

Confessional #25828974

“H’s snoring will make me smother him one day..chainsaw snores at night..snores when he is awake and breathing..won’t get checked at all..drives me fucking insane”

Confessional #25821338

“My husband wants to snuggle tonight but I don’t want to. He smells bad and snores. I won’t be able to sleep.”

Confessional #25820978

“We sleep in separate bedrooms, which I complain about and then H comes to bed with me and immediately passes out, hogs the bed and snores like a goddamn truck. Wait why do I want him in bed with me again?”

Confessional #25771601

“I have no idea how it is physically possible for H to make those noises when he snores or how they don’t wake him up. The snoring could be the thing that would end our marriage.”

For many of us, sleeping next to our partner is anything but restful. It’s actually a nightmare as they thrash, fart, and snore all damn night. Seriously, we did not sign up for this, and we just want some effing sleep.

Confessional #25649273

“My husband has been sneezing, sniffling, snorting and being generally disgusting this morning. And I get to listen to him snore all night, every single fucking night. No wonder its been so long since we’ve had sex I can’t even remember.”

Confessional #25816868

“Love my H but he is THE most annoying sleeper. Constantly groping me, yanks the covers off me, splays out in the middle of the bed shoving me right to the edge, snores like a tank… Then has the audacity to ask why I’m cranky in the morning! Oy.”

Confessional #25833625

“I thought sleep would fix my bad mood. Nope, cause my husband came to bed early and then snored all night. After he took a 3 hour nap and slept while I drove home.”

Confessional #25855240

“My husband thrashes in his sleep, kicks me, elbows me, snores at ten million decibels… Then has the audacity to get a sulk on when I’m tired and cranky in the morning. Of course I’m cranky, you kept me up all night idiot!!”

And then, after being up all night because of the mouth-noises of the person next to us, they have the nerve to be like “Why  you in a bad mood?” BRUH. You better walk away.

Confessional #25830452

“Living with a man who snores and won’t do anything about will make a woman enraged and crazy. Losing sleep for 20 years was enough for me. We sleep separately now and I’m so happy.”

Confessional #25827885

“My H and I have slept in separate beds for the majority of our marriage. He snores and it never occurred to me to just put up with it.”

Confessional #25766767

“Why is it my boyfriend can fall asleep in the blink of the eye and just as quick snore so loudly that the room shakes? Forget earplugs, separate bedrooms are a must for this to last.”

Confessional #25811956

“DH and I are sharing a room and a bed for the first time in 15 years. I desperately miss my room and my space and my snore-free sleeping time. He would be devastated if I told him.”

We’ve got two word for you, friends. SEPARATE. BEDROOMS. Sleeping in another bed—whether it’s a guest bed, your child’s bed, or a blow-up mattress in the basement—that might seriously be the thing that saves your marriage. Or at least makes you like your spouse enough to say hello the next morning, rather than chuck your coffee mug at their well-rested head.

Snoring is super common and plagues relationships of all types. Thankfully, there are things you can do—see a doctor, try a medication, try a machine or a nose-strip, or even sleep in separate beds—that can help salvage a relationship torn apart by it. Seriously, if you’re the snorer and you’re keeping your partner up all night because you sound like a freight train, get thee to a sleep specialist. Or you might be snoring all by your lonesome one night soon.

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